Rules of Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats
If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly.
If you cannot
manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug.
Shag
is good.
Determine quickly which guest hates cats.
Sit on
that lap during
the evening.
They won't dare push you off and will
even call you "nice
kitty."
If you can arrange to have cat food on your
breath,so much the
better.
For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser
legs, select colors
which contrast with your own.
Always accompany guests to the bathroom.
It is not
necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.
For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready
with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the
ankles.
Do not allow closed doors in any room.
To get one
open, stand on
hind legs and hammer with forepaws.
Once the door
is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it.
You can change your
mind.
When you have
ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and
half out and think
about several things.
This is particularly
important during very cold weather or mosquito season.
If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit
with the busy one.
For book readers, get in close under the
chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.
For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and
pretend to doze.
Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply.
This is what she calls a dropped stitch.
She will try to distract
you.
Ignore it.
For people doing homework, sit on the paper being
worked on.
After being removed for the second time, push anything
movable off the table - pens, pencils, stamps
-- one at a time.
Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you
are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m.
Manners, according to Cats are things to be reckoned with...
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